Relationships?

 You know, at times I am very much a stereotypical geek. One of the big ones this applies to is my inability to actually form a romantic relationship with someone. Now I just met a girl (Let's call her "J") that I really like, and she's easy to talk to, funny, and smart. And oh yes, she goes for brainy guys and seems to like me, now this would seem like a great opportunity for me, so what do I do? I go ahead and do my level best to try to louse it up. We've gone out several times, and on the good dates I've been doing well, and been talkative (for me anyway) and easy going (geeky, but she seems to be okay with that). On the other hand when something goes wrong (a play I suggested is lousy or some such) I become a complete and total idiot and make things worse.

Now I can think of several reasons for this, but the first thing that comes to mind is that I've gotten used to being alone. The end result of this is that I don't expect anyone to actually want to go out with me. Thus any date I do have is obviously because the person wanted to do the activity that had been suggested. Therefore if that activity is less than enjoyable than I expect the person to transfer that to me and thus loose interest in me. Now, I know thats not the case, but it is presently my gut reaction. What this means in terms of my behavior is that I tend to try to stretch things out to try to create a happy ending. Thus I tend to come across as needy and clingy, which is never a good thing.

This same cause and effect relationship is evinced in my past behavior. In the past if I have made friends with someone, it is easy for me to talk and joke with them. If I then become interested in them romantically (or am from the first introduction) I have a much harder time talking to them and interacting with them. This seems to be the case of me becoming scared that they will see I'm interested and be turned off by that fact. Once again I know that thats not how things work, but convincing myself of that is easier said then done.

I was actually helped in this particular case by the fact that J went out on a couple of dates with someone else right after I met her. This allowed my first interaction with her to be on what felt like a purely platonic level, a great help for me in getting to know her. Admittedly the potential (and desire) for more developed soon thereafter, but that initial introduction was extremely beneficial.

The worst of this, probably, is that if the romantic thing never does fully develop I would love to have this girl as simply a friend. However if I do scare/drive her away even that won't happen.

I guess the solution to this is simply to realize what I'm doing, and realize when I start to go weird simply to shut up and let whatever was happening happen. A single bad experience won't drive someone away, but repeatedly behaving like an idiot will. I know that, intellectually at least, so now I've simply got to drive it into my brain solidly enough to act on it as things occur.

J-
If you read this and recognize me exhibiting this behavior in the future, please just poke me and say something like "You're doing it again." I promise I'll try to do better.