Okay, for those of you who don't know, I was laid off last week. I'm in okay shape financially, with enough money (with unemployment, anyway) to last 6 months or so. I've also already got an interview lined up for Tuesday.

I've been coping with it reasonably well emotionally until today. What gave me trouble today is the simple fact that I had a large bill come in, and the logical response was to put it on one of my credit cards. Now this doesn't sound like to big a deal, and I guess it really isn't, but it bothers me. This is the first time in roughly 6 years I have put something on my credit card without the intention (and capability) to fully pay it off at the end of the month. I don't know why this bothers me as much as it does. Secured debt such as my mortgage or car loan don't give me to much anxiety (though right now both are a little troublesome). However the thought of having unsecured debt in any amount terrifies me. I can point to examples such as friends that have to much on their cards and are struggling to pay it off. I can bring up logic, that the best response to not having enough money is not to borrow in a way that you owe more. The simple fact, is however, that my response is not logical, nor exemplary, it is a gut dread of being in debt.

No one I have talked to seems to understand this. My dad doesn't see the problem. My brother thinks I should be enjoying my time off. All I can think of is when the money is going to run out, and how much my house would cost me to sell right now (I don't have enough equity yet to cover agents fees, I knew that one going in).

Simply put, I am in debt, this is a very bad thing. I will not be happy until I am working again and bringing in money with which to repay said debt. Odds are I can find a job in field before the money runs out. Even if not I can almost definitely find a drafting or tech job that will pay the bills. That doesn't change what my response is, being in debt literally terrifies me. Welcome to my psyche, no to pretty, is it.